// pineywoods.xyz - est. whenever the pines feel like it

Your 401k is sad.
The pines are not.

An unapologetic retirement fantasy, served with Spanish moss on the side. 47 acres of East Texas longleaf. Near Lewisville, spiritually Ouray. No HOA. No webinars. No Brad. No Mark W.

Claim a tree
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// 01 - the pitch

Listen. We are not a timeshare.

We are 47 acres of longleaf pine in East Texas and a porch with a cracked mug of coffee. Near Lewisville, but spiritually Ouray. We are a road that does not end in a cul-de-sac. We are silence that does not ask for your email address.

What we have

  • Tall pines. Old ones.
  • Spanish moss. Generous.
  • Lightning bugs. Seasonal.
  • Three plots. Honest ones.
  • A sky with no algorithm.

What we do not

  • Common charges
  • Yard signs
  • A pool you cannot use
  • Key fobs
  • Surprise assessments

What we will never be

  • A golf community
  • A 55+ "active village"
  • Adjacent to anything
  • A tax strategy
  • Trendy on purpose
// 02 - the plots

Three houses. Choose your tree.

// inventory as of today: 3 / 3
// not a coincidence
The Mossback cabin
// plot 01

The Mossback — Will

Off-grid, no streetlight for two miles. The kind of quiet that makes your jaw unclench by Tuesday. Composting toilet, real wood stove, one window that faces only pines.

starting at$148,000
The Longleaf compound
// plot 02

The Longleaf — Peter

Two connected cabins, a long deck, and a fire pit that you will use year-round. Bring the grandchildren, the dog, the husband, the dog that thinks he is a husband. We do not judge.

starting at$312,000
The Tin Toof writer cabin
// plot 03

The Tin Toof — Tom

A writer cabin the size of a generous closet. Tin roof that talks back when it rains. One chair, one window, one door. The novel writes itself. Or you do. Either way.

starting at$89,000
// 03 - the lifestyle

Things you will not do here.

  1. Negotiate.
  2. Say "let us circle back."
  3. Stand in line for oat milk.
  4. Pretend to like your cousin podcast.
  5. Wear shoes that hurt.
  6. Reply to a Slack message at 11pm.
  7. Re-read your old emails in shame.
  8. Apologize for napping.

- Signed, a porch, and a coffee mug that has never been on a video call.

// 04 - what people are saying

(Mostly ourselves, but still.)

"

I sold my condo, my standing desk, and my standing opinions. Now I have a porch and a biscuit. Best trade of my life.

- DEBORAH M. / PLOT 02 / LUFKIN, TX
"

My therapist said I needed boundaries. I bought a cabin in the pines. Apparently that is the same thing but with better sunlight.

- CARL T. / PLOT 03 / NACOGDOCHES, TX
"

I have not opened a calendar in 11 months. The trees do not schedule me. I do not schedule the trees. We are at peace.

- YVETTE R. / PLOT 01 / HUNTINGTON, TX
// 05 - the honest questions

Frequently almost asked.

Is this a cult?
No. We just like trees and quiet. There is a brochure, but it is printed on the back of a napkin.
Is there wifi?
Starlink works. So does leaving your phone in the car. We recommend the second option but support both.
Can I bring my mother-in-law?
You can. We cannot promise the pines will not gossip, but they have never been verified as a credible source.
What is the catch?
The nearest decent espresso is 38 minutes away. There is a gas station with acceptable catfish 12 minutes away. Mosquitoes are honest about their intentions.
Why pineywoods.xyz?
Because the .com was taken by a logistics company and we refuse to be adjacent to logistics.
// 06 - the bit

Pick a plot. Pick a tree.

Tell us where you are escaping from and which kind of quiet you are after. We will send a real letter back. The kind with a stamp.

// by submitting you agree the pines may judge you, kindly.